doers and sleepers

Some people use their fury as their fuel to do all of the hard things whereas I use it as inarguable proof that I should take a nap. Do-ers and Sleepers is what I call them. I’m pretty sure a poet or someone of historical significance said that it takes all kinds for the world to go ‘round.

I’m sure this will come as a shock but I am a SLEEPER. I DO a lot, too. Though mostly only out of obligation. Owning a business, marriage, and motherhood are a real buzzkill sometimes. But I am a Sleeper by nature— and, more importantly, by choice.

I have never been one of those time to lean, time to clean fools. I married one of those fools. Joe is a DOER. He is always off in some room of the house wiping some substance off of some surface somewhere or folding some article of kid clothing that he washed earlier in the day— an article of clothing that, I’m nearly positive, wasn’t dirty at all and only thrown in one of the seven hampers we have scattered around this house in an effective effort effort to avoid refolding and placing the single t-shirt or pair of leggings into the drawer it came from because it’s too hard. Obviously, this tactic is quietly appreciated by this Sleeper.

His dedication to productivity sometimes gives me anxiety. I’ll find myself saying “Will you just sit down already? It’s Saturday. You need to relax. I can’t relax until you relax because you’re always standing and buzzing around. It makes me nervous.” To which he responds, “The laundry doesn’t do itself, Queen B. But do feel free to step in and assist…” To which I, the egalitarian that I am, say, “I’m good but thank you so much for asking. Plus, you look like you have it completely under control and you’re so good at it, too. So much better than me. I mean, just look at those crisp folds, Joe! I’ve never been so un-wrinkly and kempt. You should quit your day job and become a professional folder! What a life you would live! Anyway, my t-shirts and underpants thank you in advance for your service.“

Then, just when he’s about to respond with an equally infuriating comeback, I politely excuse myself to go take a nap because it is 11am on a Saturday, after all, and what else does one do at 11am on a Saturday? Joe can list a great number of things to be done on a Saturday but this isn’t about him so we shall ignore him and leave him to his chores. The laundry doesn’t do itself, you know!

Joe will sigh loudly in exasperation because I am an asshole and yet so disarmingly charming and cute. Hearing that audible sigh feels like a victory and comforting because I know that, he is smiling and shaking his head as he does it. He thinks I am impossible and he knows that I know that he thinks I’m impossible but we both appreciate the mutual consistency of each others’ ridiculousness.

Doers and Sleepers. It takes all kinds for the world to go round.

a love letter

My friend, Jenn, snapped this photo last weekend after we took our annual family photos. Joe was listening as I most likely said something absurd and spoke a little too enthusiastically with my hands. But what this picture proves is that Joe never fails to see me, even when I’m being obnoxious which is almost always. And for over thirteen years, he’s looked at me like that. Since I was 19, I’ve felt seen in a way that I hadn’t before he walked into my life on that blind date all those years ago.

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My love,

This last year was not an easy one for us. However, as we worked through our individual and collective shit, we became even more confident that we’re in this for the long haul and that we are a team who holds each other accountable to be the best, biggest expression of the best version of ourselves. For each other, for ourselves, and for our three kids. The process has been a humbling one, to say the very least. It’s pushed us both beyond our previously conceived limits and forced us to work harder than we ever have to keep our eyes on the prize and remember why we started this thing all those years ago. We both ultimately— and luckily— decided is that raising our kids, investing in our family, and creating a future with each other is so, so worth every ounce of work it requires of us.

Marriage isn’t always easy and we discovered long ago that it’s not the fairy tale we’re sold as children. But the truth is, Joe, that I love you and I’m so proud to call you my partner. You build me up, you bring balance to my world, and you show me every day what a real man looks like. You’re kind beyond measure, loyal, and always open to growth and new ideas. You love me and our kids with abandon, you check your ego at the door because you believe that we’re a team and you prove it every day. You appreciate my contributions to our home and our family. You admire my creativity even when it is a little too far outside of your comfort zone. You encourage me to follow my dreams and relentlessly remind me of how capable I am when I’m feeling defeated or discouraged. You value fairness and equality, you root for the underdog (unless it’s UNC because we both know that an underdog, they are NOT), you appreciate the little things, and never take life and our good fortunate for granted. You are an impeccably devoted father and our children will never doubt that you’ve got their back, unconditionally and endlessly. Your laugh is infectious and one of my all-time favorite sounds in the world and being witness to you anxiously and obsessively pace while you watch UNC during March Madness every year will forever be my favorite form of free entertainment.

You’re a dream boat, my love. A stubborn, goofy, sexy as hell, sports-obsessed dream boat with a heart of gold and a beard my girlfriends can’t help but swoon over. We’re so lucky you’re ours.

Happy birthday, Joe.

We love you to the moon and back,

C

Marriage.

Harder than I ever thought it would be. Better, too.

the basics

The holiday season has a unique way of stressing me the fuck out. Sure, it’s (mostly) self-induced and (mostly) unnecessary. But it’s just a lot. Which is why it’s so important for me to take a minute and remind myself of what life is all about. In spite of all of the distractions life throws my way on a daily basis, what matters is actually quite basic.

The three beautifully spirited and complex souls who Joe and I have been given the absolute privilege of guiding through this thing called life are IT. Being given the opportunity to watch our three babes blossom into the humans they were born to be is all that counts at the end of the day, no matter how distracted we are by the rise and grind of our daily lives. No matter how challenging parenting can often be or how long the days frequently seem, I never— not even for a second— forget just how fucking lucky I am to be theirs and for them to be mine.

My kids and my partnership with Joe are what matters. They’re all that matter. The three humans Joe and I managed to create together— Marlo, Edie, and Knox— are the only reason Joe and I believe that all of the blood, sweat, and tears shed in the process of maintaining a family and partnership is worth it. They are our daily dose of perspective and an infallible reminder of why life is so magical, so painfully precious, and so breathtakingly beautiful.

I love you four more than I ever believed I was capable of loving anything.

Thank you for proving me wrong.

Forever yours,

The Mama