five things | the same, but different

This current season of life— both literally and figuratively— has gotten the best of me. I’m not sure if it’s the weather or the specific stages my kids are in, but I’m struggling to find the joy in the average day. So, here are five things bringing me joy this week:

1. My kids— even though they’re the ones who are simultaneously making it difficult for me to see the joy right now. But, yes. The kids. It never fails to blow my mind how incredibly different each of my kids are. Marlo is showing signs of the teenage girl she will sooner-than-later become. She’s a deeply-sensitive feeler of all of the feels and believes everything in life should be fair and is quite the budding idealist. *le sigh* Edie Cooper, the wild middle child, is as unpredictable as she is cheeky and never fails to make us laugh. Waking up every morning is as good a reason as any for her to be happy and her disregard for negativity is contagious. To know Edie is to love Edie. And my lone baby boy? Dude is as brutish as a Neanderthal yet also as loving and affectionate as a Labrador retriever. He lives for his next meal and has the same almond shaped eyes as his sisters but with thicker, darker lashes. He rocks a man-bun/mullet coif that requires some real confidence to pull off. Which he does. He also has the largest ass I’ve ever seen on a baby and watching it jiggle as he runs away from me during a diaper change gives me life. This chapter of parenthood is hard but also full of magic.

2. My friend, Megan, just ignited my soul by introducing me to Dani Shapiro. I started with her most recent book, Inheritance, and holy hell. It’s a page-turner. As soon as I finish it, I’m going to dive into another of her novels. Have you read her books? If you have, which one should I pick up next?

3. I just ordered my second pair of denim overalls in one month. Today, I bought the blue denim version of the same black denim style I purchased a few weeks back because 1) they are alarmingly cozy, 2) they require little thought because all you need to add is a t-shirt and you’re done, and 3) they serve a utilitarian purpose by holding all of my kids little useless things they insist on carrying around only to refuse to hold any longer so they end up in my resistant possession. I will add that whenever I wear overalls, all I can think of is the line in Clueless when the spectacularly bitchy Amber looks with disgust at newbie, Tai, and says, “She could be a farmer in those clothes.” Amber is not wrong. I could be a farmer in these clothes but, you know what? I am HERE for it.

4. I’m trying to cut out coffee again. I’m currently sitting here drinking a coffee so, clearly, my willpower is standing strong.

5. It’s cold as fuck. *What does …as fuck even mean, by the way? I have no idea but it really gets the point across of how fucking cold it is. Should out to all the mid-westerners. God speed.

five things | baecation

Joe and I got back Sunday afternoon from Charleston, South Carolina, where we spent four days-- WITHOUT OUR CHILDREN -- drinking wine, eating raw oysters and po' boys, having sex without being interrupted by a cock-blocking three year old, and lying around in the sun by the pool, and playing the "Would You Rather" game to hilarious affect. 

Here are five things I learned while on baecation with my number one:

1. After both listening to this podcast featuring Esther Perel at least three times each, Joe and I realized and mutually agreed on a very key detail: to assume that we know all there is to know about our spouse is essentially relationship suicide. Active curiosity within your partnership, specifically about your partner, is imperative. If we ignorantly assume that we know all there is to know about our partner after, say.... twelve years, the next fifty or sixty are going to be pretty fucking boring, don't you think? While on vacation, we decided to take this advice quite literally. We played a running game of 20 Questions for four straight days and, as corny as it sounds, we discovered so many neat and peculiar things about each other-- things we previously didn't. We learned things that caught us off guard because we assumed we'd answer completely differently than we did. Some of our answers made us laugh our assess off while others possessed a degree of honesty that humbled us, erasing any preconceived notions we held about the other. It was fun, it was enlightening, and it was evidence that curiosity is not only a virtue, it's an emotional and physical aphrodisiac. 

2. I used to believe that our children were the cornerstone of our family's foundation simply because all of our focus was on them for the majority of our time. However, I couldn't have been more wrong. My relationship with Joe is solely responsible for our family therefore, if we ignore our relationship-- our foundation-- and allow it to crumble due to negligence, everything our relationship has created will follow suit. Nurturing our marriage, focusing only on each other, and taking the time to delve deep into each other' needs-- emotionally AND physically, natch -- will only strengthen our family as an entire unit. 

3. Post-vacation depression is real and debilitating. Tell me you know what I'm talking about, please!?!

4. If you're visiting Charleston, here is my advice: stay at the Market Pavilion or the Restoration (they both have rooftop pools), bring a hat and sunscreen, go to 167 Raw (be prepared to wait and sit in front of the kitchen if you can. Shake Russ's hand, the chef, if you can manage and shake it like you mean it. He'll call you out if you come at him with the limp wrist. For the record, I was not called out.) The Ordinary (sit at the bar and ask for Trey. Order the tartare with crispy oysters and the crab toast. Thank me later.), The Darling Oyster Bar (the grilled octopus salad BLEW OUR DAMN MINDS. By far, the best thing we ate all weekend and we ate a lot of fucking food.), The Daily (great little breakfast spot further down north King Street with avocado toast and iced matcha if you're into that kind of hipster thing), and Butcher & Bee (drink a glass of rosé or three and get real rebellious and order yourself the double cheese burger with fries. You're on vacation after all so JUST EAT THE DAMN CHEESEBURGER.)

5. It took me three full days to miss the kids and, though I probably should, I don't feel an ounce of guilt about that. But that fourth day?! Holy hell. You could not get me home to my girls and get Knox onto my hip fast enough. The emotional longing felt physical and desperate and impossibly overwhelming. Seeing their happy, eager faces upon reunion felt like the emotional equivalent to all of my puzzle pieces being put back together. Because the truth is that as much as I need and love getting away and as much as I know that detaching from Mom Mode is healthy for everyone, my home is wherever those three impossible humans are. 

And it feels really, really good to be home, a little tanner, and a lot more in love. 

five things | the first week of 2017

All in all, the first week of 2017 was a fairly good one. Here are the weeks' highlights:

1. Edie shit on the bathroom floor last night immediately after telling us she needed to go "poo poo." Might be time to start testing the waters of potty training because if I wanted to clean up shit off of bathroom floors, I'd have insisted on a puppy instead of another baby which is to say that it isn't something I care to do very often. 

2. NC is expected to get 3-6 inches of snow tonight. I've made no secret that I FUCKING HATE SNOW. I mean, it's just frozen rain so forgive me for not being able to care. Especially when that frozen water manages to shut down the city I live in, sending people into apocalyptic maniacs who think they need to buy every loaf of bread and gallon of whole milk in the state. Meanwhile, the whole wine aisle is left untouched and I'm just standing there wondering how bread and milk are going to help them survive 48 hours of being cooped up inside with two toddlers. Their misstep is just an added bonus to my arsenal of winter survival tactics so whatever, people. WHATEVER. 

3. I'm starting a round of Whole30 on Monday and I can feel your eye rolls from here. I am absolutely NOT doing this to lose weight. I don't believe in diets or counting calories and never have. However, my body is struggling with the post-holiday sugar and booze fest I put it through and my skin has been an absolute wreck for about six months or so. I am also dealing with post-IUD removal hormonal rage that has me feeling rather manic and sluggish. My hope is that by giving my body a reset and cutting out so many those inflammation-causing foods, I will be able to kick the lethargy and figure out what exactly I'm not tolerating. What am I going to miss most? Cream in my coffee, wine, avocado toast, and lentils. Not necessarily in that order. 

4. I finally posted some food recipes-- a carrot + red lentil soup and a homemade chicken bone broth-- under the FODDER tab at the top of the page. Food is my love language and cooking for the people I love brings me an immense amount of pleasure. I've got a Thai lettuce wrap recipe to post today or tomorrow and I'm working on compiling a list of my weekly pantry and fridge staples that help me make spur of the moment meals for me and the fam. It's not always easy to take photos of food when two hangry tiny tyrants are yelling at you but I'll do my best to post what I can as consistently as I possibly can. But, in the meantime, if there is anything in particular that you'd like for me to post here in more detail that I've ever documented on the gram, don't hesitate to ask for it! 

5. I just discovered GoodReads and find it utterly addicting. I now have a list of forty-and-counting books in my 2017 To Be Read list. Do you have any good book recommendations that I must read? I'm an equal opportunist when it comes to preferred genres so don't hesitate to send me your suggestions! 

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five things | spirit dresses, newborns, and vegas

Between the lack of sleep, the harsh heaviness of what is happening around the world, and feeling like I've got no more figured out about parenting than I did when I became a mother, the week felt harder than my average week.

Within the midst of such frustration, there were also a lot of hidden bright spots, all of which were easily visible when I simply made the effort to look for them.

Here are five of those things:

1. Along with my best gal, April, I'm hosting some college girlfriends for our annual "Mama's Gettin' Lit" holiday party. This year I had the genius idea to enforce a strict dress code, requiring people look as lit as they were going to be after they drink a few rounds of the cocktail I'm making. The only issue is that I am the opposite of fancy; I dress like a teenage boy most days (errr... all days) so when I say that I had nothing to wear, it's literal and minus hyperbole. And what does one do when a viable excuse warrants buying a new dress? You definitely don't ask questions or wear your denim cut-offs non-ironically. Nope. You go and buy yourself a new dress, dammit, because, contrary to popular belief and even though my everyday uniform says otherwise, I do enjoy feeling pretty. (But not too pretty, you know? I mean, I do have a reputation to uphold.) And so, I began my search, asking myself, "Hmmm, if a dress could be my spirit animal, what would that dress look like?" Surely, it would be a mustard velvet flutter-sleeve maxi wrap dress that is one part sexy, one part bohemian, and two and a half parts comfortable. Then, by some combination of good luck and ancient wizardry, the deep seas parted and the world wide interwebs provided. Ladies and gentleman, I give you my Spirt Dress. #mamastillgotit

2. My co-hosting partner-in-crime, April, came over last night to help do a little party prep (i.e. drink red wine and eat Justin's peanut butter cups while passing her newest baby, Collier, back and forth). Mo has been begging me for the past five weeks to meet the newest addition of our tribe and, since my ovaries were due for their weekly maintenance test, clearly I had no other choice but to oblige her. As April and I watched Mo melt into a puddle of love while holding Baby Collier, I couldn't help but think, "For fuck's sake, Mo, why couldn't you be this sweet and cute and care this much about babies when it was YOUR OWN LITTLE SISTER IN YOUR ARMS?!?!"

3. When she finally stopped being so damn selfish and gave me a turn with my baby boy (I mean, April's baby boy), Mo grabbed my phone from the couch to take a picture of me holding Collier. When I looked back at the picture she took this morning, it hit me just how natural holding a newborn will always feel. Their distinct smell, the way their legs tuck into their stomach and their body curls into your arms like a puzzle piece finding its' match, how you subconsciously begin gently swaying as soon as the weight of their body rests onto yours, and the tiny grunts and lip quivers... they're just intoxicating. And dangerous. It doesn't matter how far removed you are from the newborn stage, once you have become privy to experiencing newborn goodness, there will never be a time when you're able to deny their magic.

4. Joe conveniently flew into Vegas from London for a few days spent with his best college buddies and a whole lot of whiskey and Carolina basketball. After the week I've had with the girls and their less than stellar sleeping habits, I have six words for you (and by YOU, I'm looking at you, Joe): GIRLS WEEKEND. CHARLESTON. ROSE. ALL DAY. Make it happen. 

5. And as far as The Ovarian Status Update, I am here to report that my ovaries are violently quivering and have asked to take the next couple of days off in order to recover from the beating they took last night from Mo and her tiny love, Collier. Ovaries A and B spoke loud and clear, telling me that torture by way of witnessing Mo hold and gush over a particularly handsome cherub is unnecessary. On behalf of their entire reproductive system, Ovary A would like to add that Mo slyly mentioning that she "wouldn't mind one bit if you have a little boy because this one is kind of cute, mama..." is akin to torture. 

five things | Edie fills her quota

1. We've got twenty-one days until we welcome 2017 and, apparently, Edie realized that she's not quite done filling her quota of sicknesses to be contracted by year's end. Clearly, eight ear infections, one surgery, a mysteriously knocked-out tooth, two stomach bugs, and one severe case of Hand, Foot, & Mouth Disease weren't an adequate match for her devout tenacity so she graciously went and got strep throat. "YOLO," she says, "Go big or go home, ma! If you're going to do something, always give it 100 percent." Meanwhile, I'm so tired that my left eye is beginning to uncontrollably twitch so now, when I smile, it appears as though I'm winking. I'm too tired to even blink, let alone exert the amount of effort required to coordinate one-eyed blinking for fun. You won, Edie Cooper. You won. 

A waiting room selfie while Edie exhibits how to adequately express how much she currently hates being such a winner at life.

2. As the temperatures drop, some sort of soup has been simmering away on my stove for at least two days a week for the last six weeks now. Hashtag BUSY BEING BASIC. On Tuesday, I made THIS soup from Nigella Lawson's newest cookbook, Simply Nigella, and, y'all. Let me tell you something: it was one of the best non-traditional chicken soups I've ever made. I substituted 100% buckwheat Soba noodles and I added scallions and Sriracha to finish because I take culinary rebellion quite seriously. I'm also completely incapable of following a recipe exactly as its' written but, hey, at least I'm consistent. 

3. This morning, I attended a Breakfast with Santa even at the girls' school. Santa was there-- who Mo immediately recognized as her Gramps, causing the illusion of a single Santa being shattered forever. (Just kidding, we've been telling her all along that Santa is so busy the month of December that he has helpers everywhere who are responsible for the relaying of vital information to the real Santa. However, she does now think that she's the coolest ever because her Gramps is an official member of the Santa's Helpers Brigade.) Anyway, there was a raffle fundraiser and one of the items was an American Girl Doll. We decided to go all in and put all five of our raffle tickets into the pot. Since Mo has been asking for one from Santa since the day after last Christmas, my hope was that she'd win and "Santa" would conveniently get out of shelling out such an ungodly amount of money for a fucking doll. (Santa isn't bitter, don't worry.) Well, Santa wasn't so lucky. A ten year old little girl was and, for the first time in my adult life, I found myself physically hating a tween and mentally scheming how to take that bitch down... 

4. I've accepted it, yes. But I'm still not over what the results of this election meant. 

5. You see? I wasn't kidding about my eye. The bright side is that flirting with Joe is a whole lot easier now.