This is me. Eleven thousand four hundred and eighty nine days old. Not young.
It feels more than slightly indulgent to answer a list of questions conscerning of nothing other than myself. Not to mention, to do so under the assumption that anyone gives a shit makes me feel like an asshole. But. (There is always a but isn't there?) The truth is, I don't write this blog for any reason other than as a creative outlet for myself and, in ten...fifteen.... twenty years, there is a slight chance that I may want to be able to look back on who I was while approaching thirty-two and to see how far, if at all, I've come.
SO, fuck it. The Proust Questionnaire, answered by me.
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? I take issue with the term 'happiness' for many reasons but since you asked, I'll play along and argue that my ideal version of happiness could only take place on the white sandy beaches of Tulum, Mexico. I'd have a michelada in my hand (WITH clamato juice.... always with clamato juice), a plate of perfectly fried fish tacos on handmade blue corn tortillas nearby. My husband would be lounging beside me on our queen-sized lounge bed and our kids would be playing (quietly) together in the shallow surf. It would smell like salt water and sunscreen. I'd be high on vitamin D and drunk on love.
2. What is your greatest fear? Raising assholes.
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Impatience.
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Apathy.
5. Which living person do you most admire? Oprah.
6. What is your greatest extravagance? Skincare (cheaper than Botox though AMIRIGHT?!). And shoes (because they successfully distract from the disheveled state of everything else I'm working with).
7. What is your current state of mind? Overwhelmed because KIDS.
8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Contentment. If only because it can lead to complacency and then eventually-- possibly-- apathy.
9. On what occasion do you lie? When I don't want to share the last (insert whatever chocolate treat I'm hiding in my fridge here) with my kids.
10. What do you most dislike about your appearance? My belly button now no longer resembles anything remotely close to an actual belly-button due to the three pregnancies and two laparoscopic organ removals (gallbladder and appendectomy) it's been through.
11. Which living person do you most despise? Donald Trump and all of the pussies in congress who are beholden to the NRA.
12. What is the quality you most like in a man? Humility and emotional intelligence.
13. What is the quality you most like in a woman? Self-deprecation and empathy.
14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "For fuck's sake, what now?!"
15. What or who is the greatest love of your life? Marlo, Edie, and Knox and the man who helped me create them.
16. When and where were you happiest? When no offspring of mine is yelling at me and not demanding a snack of any sorts.
17. Which talent would you most like to have? To paint and/or play the piano.
18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I'd worry less about the bigger picture so that I could focus more on being present with my kids. Also, I'd give anything for motherhood to come more easily to me.
19. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Well, I grew, birthed, and fed three small humans with my own single body and I find that to be pretty fucking spectacular. I just-so-happened to pull the third and final of said human crew out of my womb and vagina with my own set of two hands which was the most transformative experienced thus far in my life. It served as evidence that I possessed a physical and emotional and mental power I was previously unaware I was even capable of.
20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be? Myself. And do it all over again without changing a thing.
21. Where would you most like to live? Anywhere Trump is not President of the United States of America, gay marriage and marijuana is legal, female reproductive rights aren't yet another form of systematic patriarchal grand fuckery, racism is dead, and the lives of children matter more than the ability for a civilian to own a semi-automatic weapon. I think this place only exists in my dreams so I'll settle for Paris.
22. What is your most treasured possession? I have three. 1) An exquisite custom wooden cutting board that my uncle made for me when we bought our current home; 2) An original photo of my grandmother as a baby that I got framed and hangs in our living room; And 3)
23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Not liking who you see in the mirror.
24. What is your favorite occupation? Psychologist or writer.
25. What is your most marked characteristic? Physically speaking, my arms and/or lips depending on who you ask. As far as my most marked personality trait, I'd argue that it's a three-way-tie between my ability to always find a silver lining, my empathy and compassion, and my unapologetic vulnerability.
26. What do you most value in your friends? self-deprecation, sense of humor, and the ability to call me out on my shit in the most loving way possible.
27. Who are your favorite writers? Augustan Burroughs, Joan Didion, Cheryl Strayed, David Sedaris.
28. Who is your hero of fiction? Louise from Thelma & Louise
29. Which historical figure do you most identify with? Betty Friedan, "A girl should not expect special privileges because of her sex, but neither should she 'adjust' to prejudice and discrimination..."
30. Who are your heroes in real life? Refugees.
31. What are your favorite names? Marlo McLean, Edie Cooper, and Knox Richard.
32. What is it that you most dislike? Manipulation, bullying, patriarchal assholes.
33. What is your greatest regret? Not going to grad school immediately after undergrad.
34. How would you like to die? At peace with the people who matter to me and with a legacy.
35. What is your motto? "The only way out is through" and "If this isn't nice, what is?!"