"You don't want to be the last person at the coffee shop without chin pubes..."

I am notoriously low-maintenance when it comes to hair products and make-up. I pride myself on it, in fact. However, I am rather militant when it comes to grooming practices concerning facial hair because I am... how do I say this??... HAIRY AS FUCK.

I usually inspect my mugs' persistent and unwanted mane while basking in the natural light of the front seat of my car because it is (A) the most forgiving and (B) doesn't lie and leave me living in denial.

Like normal, I inspected Oscar The Grouches (read: the unfortunate situation that is my eyebrows I'm currently growing out after an unfortunate waxing episode) and was soon unpleasantly distracted by the discovery of my chin' newfound talent of sprouting whiskers, adding yet another facial feature that I've got to torture with hot wax and the sadistic pinch of tweezers on a regular basis.

Of course, I've known that this was only a matter of time because, again, I'm hairy as fuck and I also have no grey hair (yet!) on my head so, clearly, I'm being punished.

I am also beginning to wonder if my friends are giant assholes for not letting me in on my face' burgeoning chin pubes because there is absolutely no way they could look me in the face and not have noticed the gremlin-like whiskers exiting my chinny-chin-chin like some sort of evil witch from a Disney movie.

 

 

Ain't aging grand?